When I think about a time I said yes, I think about little 5 year old me at our small Christian School. The question was “do you want to ask Jesus into your heart?” and I said yes. We were asked to scoot into the middle of the circle if we wanted to pray to accept Jesus.I remember looking around at my friends and not everyone moved into the center of the circle. But I wanted to, I knew I was supposed to say yes. 

I was raised in a Christian home and I’m so thankful that I had such a strong base and great family at a young age. Once I was away from home, I began to search for my worth in things besides Jesus, primarily relationships. I felt dissatisfied and lonely as I learned that these different friendships and relationships weren’t filling the gap in my heart. 

I leaned into Jesus. I read the Bible like it was brand new to me. I would carry my a Bible to class with me because I just needed Jesus in the cracks of my day. 

I met great friends and got involved in a campus ministry called The Navigators. 

The next year, I was asked to lead a Navs Bible study- I wanted to say no. 

You see, I had always believed a lie that my voice doesn’t matter. As the youngest of 4, I often felt like what I said didn’t matter. I was not told this by my family, it’s just a lie that was whispered to my heart and I started to believe it. So I stopped speaking up. How could I lead a group? What value did I bring? 

With some encouragement of the leaders around me, I said yes to leading the study. 

That yes led to so many other great things and changed the trajectory of my life. 

Largely because it changed how I viewed myself. If God says I matter and my voice matters, then how does he want to use me? God has spoken to me and is healing this wound through several experiences in my life. 

I started saying yes more and viewing myself as a leader. 

Saying yes to 

A Summer Training Program where I grew a ton in my faith. 

My husband. 

Having kids 

Hard medical diagnosis 

Surrender as a mom 

MOPS leadership

Sacrificing for my kids

Having an opinion 

Sharing my thoughts 

Speaking up even when it’s scary 

One of my biggest opportunities that I had to say yes  happened in December 27, 2017 when we got the diagnosis that our second baby was going to be born with a serious congenital heart defect and would need 3 open heart surgeries. We made the decision that day that we would choose life for our son. We also made the decision that we would give him the chance at life by having these three surgeries. 

Although I had become bolder with saying yes, that lie still lay dormant in my heart that my voice didn’t matter.

The way God healed this wound was so beautiful and personal to me. This healing began on a late night in April, and came as a cute little 6lb 2oz. package. That’s the day our second child Jace was born. 

Before his birth, I was honored to know some other heart moms that had walked the road before me. One mom in particular gave me this advice: “don’t be afraid to speak up and ask questions or share your opinion. Your baby doesn’t have a voice and you have to be his voice.” 

I have to be his voice. Me? The woman who often thinks that what she has to say doesn’t matter and it’s better to keep quiet? The girl who never raised her hand in class and sat in the way back of the class? Yep. God chose me to be this baby’s mom and for this season, I had to be his voice. 

I stepped into this new role of being an advocate for my baby and for his health, and eventually becoming an advocate for my own mental/physical health also. Doctors would come to our son’s room every single morning and give a report and we as parents were encouraged to ask questions and be a part of the conversation. 

At first it was scary to ask questions or share my opinion to this room full of highly educated doctors and specialists. But I had something they didn’t have… an intuition about my baby that only God gave me. 

I stepped into this God-given mama intuition and spoke up. I became my son’s advocate and had a key role in his health and healing. 

God chose a mama who doubted her voice and showed me that I had to be the voice of my baby and what I had to say mattered. 

Isn’t that beautiful? Isn’t that how God works? Whatever area you feel weak in… God probably wants to use you there. He is the one who can turn our wounds and our pain into purpose. 

“Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.””

“The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?”

‭‭Exodus‬ ‭4‬:‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Even when we feel inadequate, God will show up strong when we rely on Him.