Mom, why are we here? 

My heart dropped. What a heart wrenching thing to hear. 

These were the first words my son spoke to me when he woke up from his 3rd open heart surgery. 

My son did not understand. The day before he had been riding his scooter, swimming, and playing at the park. Today… he was lying in a hospital bed with all kinds of tubes and wires attached to him. 

My heart could completely and 100% relate to what he had just said because only hours earlier I had cried out to God and asked Him the same thing. 

Minutes after our son was taken back into surgery, I was sobbing in the bathroom, silently asking God the same question. 

“Why are we here?” 

“Why us?” 

“Why do we have to go through this again?” 

The devastating thing about my son’s questions was that his little 3 year old heart just couldn’t understand. The day before his surgery, he was so active and having a great time…  now this?? 

The challenging part for us as parents was that we could not explain “why” to our son in a way he would understand. We wanted to prepare him but also didn’t want him to feel more scared. It’s a tough line to ride. 

His three year old self did not have the maturity for him to fully understand that he was born with half of a heart and would need 1 more surgery. 

It was in this moment, staring at my son in his hospital bed and my heart breaking inside, that I had an image of how God must feel. 

His heart breaks when we are sad, lonely or hurt and asking “why am I here?” 

I do not see the whole picture of what God is doing. I do not fully understand. I only see bits and pieces of what happens in this life. I questioned Him the same way my son questioned me, “why are we here?” 

Only God sees the full picture. Only God knows that I need work on my heart and that I may have to go through hardship to come to a place of healing, wholeness and closeness with God.  

I do not believe that God causes hardships for us, but I do believe that He holds us through them and allows beautiful things to come out of them.